sappy

life feels lonely. even with friends. spending time with you, amazing, no joke.

beautiful.

I dont know.

thoughts of hope flashes before i sleep. hoping the reason is me.

I dont know.

We used to talk like friends. We'd walk to my psychology class and say "see you," and she'd walk off to her economics class.

I tried my best not to let the butterflies in my stomach get to me. I'd still mess up, but it's fine, we're still talking.

now?

shit, if i knew.

wish I could talk to her like i talk to my female friends.

this feeling has been going on for way too long.

loneliness. I feel like walking in a rainy night with jazz playing from my sand-infested phone. sand from the beach where we learned how to surf.

the male instructors teaching you how to surf. flirting with you. I feel like kicking the sand.

I dont know.

we dont talk like we used to since you found out i liked you.
if only i could just not like like you in an instant, just to make things normal.

you looked absolutely beautiful. your gorgeous smile. your laugh that makes me look up. if only I was the one who made her smile. and laugh.

I remember yesterday I saw you in the beautiful beach of Kuta. you gave out a light giggle in the dark with only a tiny LED illuminating your perfect smile.

fuck this feeling.
I absolutely hate giving sappy stories, but its eating me up on the inside.

other than that, I joined a trip to Bali from 30 june to 6 july. it was amazing.
but I'll talk about it next time.

"see you,"